sexual assault

I Feel Like I’m Being Raped (aka The Gray Area Between Yes-Means-Yes and No-Means-No)

Recently, I had an argument with a friend. I had shared a blurb on Facebook about the recent Yes-Means-Yes law enacted in California, and he immediately retorted his disgust before I had even refreshed my homepage.

Rather than have a heated public debate, because I’m lazy, I texted him. Aside from his aggressive and personally attacking comments, the gist of our conversation went as follows:

His argument:  Yes-Means-Yes laws don’t solve any problems because “they said yes” and “they didn’t say no” are both still hearsay in court. These laws substitute kangaroo courts on college campuses for real reform of the criminal justice system. It’s not realistic to expect long term couples to always explicitly and verbally consent to sex, and it’s not appropriate to impose our choice of how people should consent to sex any more than it would be to impose our choice of what sex they should have.

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Naked and Afraid, or Naked and Battered? (aka Wait, You Can Share A Bed Without Having Sex?)

My boyfriend and I are in a brand new relationship, yet we already radiate that “old couple” smell. People who see us together for the first time assume we’ve been together for years. Perhaps that’s in part because we have both prioritized spending time together early on to create and nurture a solid foundation of friendship that will last through the duration of our togetherness. (more…)

Rapists on a Bathroom Wall

Columbia University has been facing some heat lately for the way its authorities have been handling reports of rape and other sexual assaults — or, rather, their lack of handling them. This is, depressingly, nothing new in the land of undergraduate education.

What got my attention on the news a few nights back was the report of graffiti and flyers which have been found in at least one Columbia University bathroom. Apparently, some female students have taken the lack of formal punishment into their own hands, specifically naming rapists and sexual assailants on their campus. Check out this article on Jezebel for photographs of the lists and background information. (more…)

The Silent Treatment for Rapists

http://feministing.com/2014/02/06/dont-be-friends-with-rapists/

Social exclusion is a powerful punisher. If that’s what it takes to discourage rape and other forms of sexual violence, that’s what we need to do. It works in cultures with low rape rates, and it will work for us. It’s not enough for survivors to be the only folks speaking out against these horrors; everyone needs to be on board and be willing to shun people who choose to behave this way.

Stealing A Kiss

I’ve never understood what it meant to “steal a kiss.” People kiss because they want to, right? So, how does a person steal something that’s willingly given?

My junior year of college, I had a whopping crush on this gorgeous creature in one of my general education lectures. I spent half of every class staring at him. He sat right behind me (more…)