rape

I Feel Like I’m Being Raped (aka The Gray Area Between Yes-Means-Yes and No-Means-No)

Recently, I had an argument with a friend. I had shared a blurb on Facebook about the recent Yes-Means-Yes law enacted in California, and he immediately retorted his disgust before I had even refreshed my homepage.

Rather than have a heated public debate, because I’m lazy, I texted him. Aside from his aggressive and personally attacking comments, the gist of our conversation went as follows:

His argument:  Yes-Means-Yes laws don’t solve any problems because “they said yes” and “they didn’t say no” are both still hearsay in court. These laws substitute kangaroo courts on college campuses for real reform of the criminal justice system. It’s not realistic to expect long term couples to always explicitly and verbally consent to sex, and it’s not appropriate to impose our choice of how people should consent to sex any more than it would be to impose our choice of what sex they should have.

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The Silent Treatment for Rapists

http://feministing.com/2014/02/06/dont-be-friends-with-rapists/

Social exclusion is a powerful punisher. If that’s what it takes to discourage rape and other forms of sexual violence, that’s what we need to do. It works in cultures with low rape rates, and it will work for us. It’s not enough for survivors to be the only folks speaking out against these horrors; everyone needs to be on board and be willing to shun people who choose to behave this way.

Don’t Rape Me, Rape Her Instead

Rapists are not significantly influenced by modifying the behavior of potential rape victims (i.e. everyone, particularly individuals who are least likely to report the crime and especially likely to be blamed for “provoking” rapists). Being raped is not a choice; raping is.  (more…)