friends with benefits

You Think I’m Hot, and I Think You’re Hot. Why Is That Not Enough?

A friendquaintance recently propositioned me for casual sex. He and I hadn’t spoken in a long time and had a few phone calls to sorta-kinda reconnect, where we discussed our mutual physical attraction toward each other that had built over the past few years. However, I was explicit in the reasons that I would not be consenting to sex, first and foremost for the damage that it would cause to one of my other, much closer friendships, but also because I did not think he and I were sexually compatible. We’re both very dominant in bed, and I foresaw an obnoxious power struggle that was worth neither my energy nor traumatizing my aforereferenced friendship. (more…)

The Breakup Artist(s)

My partner and I broke up two weekends ago, and although we both feel the release and pseudo-freedom of a typical breakup, neither of us feels particularly sad.¬†Our mutual friends are more upset about this than we are. I can honestly say that our breakup was entirely mutual. It was simply time to let “us” go.

Liberally throughout our relationship, we had progress evaluations, similar to those which people experience at their places of business. We would talk about the way things had been going, what we liked, what could use improving, and what direction we wanted to be heading.

Sometimes, we would have these talks because one of us had an improvement to suggest. Other times, it was simply because we hadn’t had one in a while. With both circumstances, we each appreciated that the other cared enough to listen and actively participate. It always felt collaborative and made our relationship stronger.