dominant

I Added A Kinky Dating Application to My OkCupid Profile. Here’s What Happened.

In late July, a friend sent me a screenshot of a woman’s Tinder profile where she included a link to a survey and directed men interested in dating her to fill it out. Although the questions she asked struck me as more superficial and entertaining than for compatibility assessment, I thought her idea was brilliant and decided to do the same for my OkCupid profile. Heck yes for efficiency, especially for someone like me who is seeking a partner with highly specific, somewhat less common preferences. (more…)

Ask Me Anything: What Kind of Dominant Am I?

While I was active on the site, one of the most common questions I was asked by fellow kinky OkCupid-dwellers was what kind of dominant I am. The truth is that I’m still figuring that out about myself. Although I’ve always had a mind-wiring that coincides perfectly with kink, I’m still fairly new to the world of BDSM. I’m also distant from much of its practice, though it’s one of my favorite topics to discuss with people — both platonically and sexually.  (more…)

Dear Future Partner (Calling All Submissives)

In public, you are witty and cunning, but around women, you crumble inside. You fear being found out as a fraud, a coward, and anything less than a “real man”. You drive me wild, yet you have no clue why I would even give you the time of day.

You want me to tear your down to your raw, core emotions, then nurture you back to neutrality. You bear ample emotional baggage and need someone who loves your vulnerability as much as your strength. (more…)

You Can’t Afford Me: The Morality of Financial Sexual Domination

I remember hearing a few years ago of a woman who taught preschool by day and financially enslaved men by night. I don’t remember why the story made the news, but I was puzzled as to why this woman could say such mean things to her clientele, only to have them obediently lavish their life savings upon her.

I was asked the other day about my opinion of the morality of financial domination. What is financial domination, you ask? It’s a type of power play where a dominant partner “forces” a submissive partner to remit money. The play is entirely consensual and often involves blackmail, punishments, and other venues of humiliation by the dominant partner toward the submissive partner for the mutualistic benefit of both partners.

So, where does a reasonable person draw the line between sexual expression and placating an addiction to the point of destitution? (more…)

Fifty Shades of Pissed Off

Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching this weekend means the big screen debut of Fifty Shades of Grey will at last arrive as well. Will I, a self-proclaimed sexuality geek, be attending a viewing?

Hail naw.

At the lunch table this afternoon, my coworker described her lack of interest in both the books and the new film, and my boss agreed. Trying my best to not blush, I delivered a close-to-home-yet-pruned-for-work rant about my disgust with Fifty Shades and its heinously inaccurate depiction of the BDSM lifestyle. (more…)

How a Cartoon Show Taught Me That I’m Perverted

Hey! / What a wonderful kind of day / where you learn to work and play / and get along with each other / Hey!

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Ever see Arthur as a child? I grew up watching that show every day after school. Even as an adult, when I stumble upon reruns as I’m channel surfing, I’ll watch an episode or two (or ten) for old times’ sake.

I have a distinctive memory of one episode that forever changed my life. When one of Arthur’s friends rips his pants in front of their third grade class, Arthur begins have nightmares that he will be humiliated by having his underwear exposed at school, too.

(more…)

Kink and Feminism: Bound To Be Free?

Bondage. Discipline. Dominance. Submission. Sadism. Masochism. BDSM intrigues me to no end. Who wouldn’t be curious about this underground lifestyle?  (more…)