I had another dream about you last night, this time that I pushed you against the upstairs banister, causing you to fall through the bars, face first down to ground level. You were dead, it was all my fault, and you looked a lot like you did when I found your unconscious, damp body in real life. I woke up shaking and wide-eyed. Needless to say, it was a rough morning.
Mom just vividly described Gran’s gaudy, pink-nightmare of a casket to Aaron and, in doing so, reminded me that she and Dad couldn’t bear to put your ashes in the ground. Your cremated remains are held in a polished, wooden, latched box in your room. (more…)
The first of April has come and gone, so happy 20th birthday, little brother. When I had originally drafted this piece on February 23, and it had been exactly six years and five months since you died. Google says that’s about 2,344 days — or, as you would prefer, 202,490,275,166,666,688 nanoseconds. Sounds like a long time, right? Some days, it feels like it. Other days, it feels more like just a week has passed.
I’m still mad you’re gone, but over the past few years, my anger and frustration have started to feel more… empty.
I was thinking about you this morning. And afternoon. I think about you a lot these days, a lot more than I used to. (more…)
Today is one of the few days of the year for which I cry hardest over you, and it amazes me that it has only been four years since I came home and found you dead.
It’s yet another somber day in our household as we each take a couple moments to remember how you left us five years ago today. (more…)