consent

Sh*t My Dad Says 1: Consent

My dad is a smart guy, one of the smartest people I’ve ever known. Like, Spock-with-a-sense-of-humor smart. Growing up, he always knew all the answers to every question I had. In fact, I’m still in awe over both his wealth of knowledge and how he interacts with the world, often to the extent that I take notes (yes, actual notes) when we have substantive conversations.
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That Time I Found Grandpa’s Sex Contract

My paternal grandfather died last summer, and while my father and his siblings were helping my grandmother sort through my grandfather’s belongings, someone happened upon an item which they knew I would appreciate.  (more…)

My Body Is Disgusting

When people say that their bodies are gross or disgusting, I hear hatred — a long-standing loathing that has spent years brewing. Even when people say that other people’s bodies are disgusting, I still hear self-criticism.

How old were you when you were first ashamed of your body? Most of us first experienced that feeling in childhood, and it has recurred through the rest of our lives.

Shame is learned. We are taught to hate our bodies. Why? Because insecurity sells. Cosmetics, gym memberships, workout gear, fancy cars and purses… It’s all about money.

Most of my teenage years were occupied with hours upon hours of obsessing over every inch of my body. I spent at least twelve hours each week grooming myself

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How a Cartoon Show Taught Me That I’m Perverted

Hey! / What a wonderful kind of day / where you learn to work and play / and get along with each other / Hey!

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Ever see Arthur as a child? I grew up watching that show every day after school. Even as an adult, when I stumble upon reruns as I’m channel surfing, I’ll watch an episode or two (or ten) for old times’ sake.

I have a distinctive memory of one episode that forever changed my life. When one of Arthur’s friends rips his pants in front of their third grade class, Arthur begins have nightmares that he will be humiliated by having his underwear exposed at school, too.

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I Feel Like I’m Being Raped (aka The Gray Area Between Yes-Means-Yes and No-Means-No)

Recently, I had an argument with a friend. I had shared a blurb on Facebook about the recent Yes-Means-Yes law enacted in California, and he immediately retorted his disgust before I had even refreshed my homepage.

Rather than have a heated public debate, because I’m lazy, I texted him. Aside from his aggressive and personally attacking comments, the gist of our conversation went as follows:

His argument:  Yes-Means-Yes laws don’t solve any problems because “they said yes” and “they didn’t say no” are both still hearsay in court. These laws substitute kangaroo courts on college campuses for real reform of the criminal justice system. It’s not realistic to expect long term couples to always explicitly and verbally consent to sex, and it’s not appropriate to impose our choice of how people should consent to sex any more than it would be to impose our choice of what sex they should have.

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Naked and Afraid, or Naked and Battered? (aka Wait, You Can Share A Bed Without Having Sex?)

My boyfriend and I are in a brand new relationship, yet we already radiate that “old couple” smell. People who see us together for the first time assume we’ve been together for years. Perhaps that’s in part because we have both prioritized spending time together early on to create and nurture a solid foundation of friendship that will last through the duration of our togetherness. (more…)

Stealing A Kiss

I’ve never understood what it meant to “steal a kiss.” People kiss because they want to, right? So, how does a person steal something that’s willingly given?

My junior year of college, I had a whopping crush on this gorgeous creature in one of my general education lectures. I spent half of every class staring at him. He sat right behind me (more…)

Kink and Feminism: Bound To Be Free?

Bondage. Discipline. Dominance. Submission. Sadism. Masochism. BDSM intrigues me to no end. Who wouldn’t be curious about this underground lifestyle?  (more…)

Male Genital Mutilation: Why Unconsensual Circumcision Sucks

As a fellow sex-positivist, one of my best friends recently introduced me to Laci Green‘s stash of YouTubery. Not only is her work AWESOME, but this video in particular speaks to me. (more…)