communication

Ask Me Anything: There’s Zero Sexual Tension; Should We Stop Dating? Help!

A friend recently came to me in a tizzy over her dating life. She is dating a polyamorous woman who is also currently dating my friend’s sociopathic ex, yet what has her most uneasy about this budding relationship is not the social complications if they were to pursue a committed, romantic relationship. Rather, what concerns her is the lack of sexual tension.  (more…)

Men vs. Women: What Your Lover is ACTUALLY Freaking Out About in Bed

During last weekend’s torrential snow dump, over a homemade orange Fanta snow slushie and after many hours of binge-watching Sex and the City, I started pondering the differences between men’s and women’s expectations and fears in bed. (more…)

I Feel Like I’m Being Raped (aka The Gray Area Between Yes-Means-Yes and No-Means-No)

Recently, I had an argument with a friend. I had shared a blurb on Facebook about the recent Yes-Means-Yes law enacted in California, and he immediately retorted his disgust before I had even refreshed my homepage.

Rather than have a heated public debate, because I’m lazy, I texted him. Aside from his aggressive and personally attacking comments, the gist of our conversation went as follows:

His argument:  Yes-Means-Yes laws don’t solve any problems because “they said yes” and “they didn’t say no” are both still hearsay in court. These laws substitute kangaroo courts on college campuses for real reform of the criminal justice system. It’s not realistic to expect long term couples to always explicitly and verbally consent to sex, and it’s not appropriate to impose our choice of how people should consent to sex any more than it would be to impose our choice of what sex they should have.

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Borrowed from Elsewhere: Is It Safe To Be the Sexual Me in the Boundaries of a Relationship?

This is a beautiful example of both sex positivity and open and honest communication with oneself and one’s partner(s). I especially like the emphasis on doing no harm. Enthusiastic consent is vital — even in cases where a fantasy may revolve around an imaginary lack of consent.

NHMG

Is it possible? Yes.  Is it easy? Definitely not.

I write this first entry, as it will likely be a fitting, over-arching theme of most of what may follow, at least in the near-term.  It is something of a personal journey … a journey within the boundaries of a marriage relationship and not in the shadows of self-exploration.

Why do I make this distinction?  I believe all too often men, in particular, choose to explore their sexual-self outside the view of their wives or partners.  And to be fair, I am sure some women explore outside the sight of their men, as well.  But I write from a male’s point if view.

I am certainly no expert on this topic; I am still early in my journey.  Having lived in a relationship for a number of years where the boundaries were quite explicit and narrow, I am now enjoying a…

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