communication in relationships

I Feel Like I’m Being Raped (aka The Gray Area Between Yes-Means-Yes and No-Means-No)

Recently, I had an argument with a friend. I had shared a blurb on Facebook about the recent Yes-Means-Yes law enacted in California, and he immediately retorted his disgust before I had even refreshed my homepage.

Rather than have a heated public debate, because I’m lazy, I texted him. Aside from his aggressive and personally attacking comments, the gist of our conversation went as follows:

His argument:  Yes-Means-Yes laws don’t solve any problems because “they said yes” and “they didn’t say no” are both still hearsay in court. These laws substitute kangaroo courts on college campuses for real reform of the criminal justice system. It’s not realistic to expect long term couples to always explicitly and verbally consent to sex, and it’s not appropriate to impose our choice of how people should consent to sex any more than it would be to impose our choice of what sex they should have.

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Have Better Sex Now!

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend who said that she is upset with her boyfriend for expecting her to “just know” how to please him sexually. I asked about feedback between the two of them, of which there is little. Apparently, they both are under the impression that the other should “just know” how to conjure up an orgasm for each other. That’s bad. What’s worse is that my friend not only routinely fakes orgasms, but she also does not tell her boyfriend when she’s in pain. Yikes! (more…)