Painful sex — when you’re not into pain — is a devastating reality about which far too few of us are talking. Ladies, we need to start speaking up to each other, our partners, and ourselves.
“It’s sure as hell not getting any better, is it? You’ve slept with four men now — three of them long-term boyfriends — and it’s hurt every time. Every single time. With condoms, without condoms, with lube, without lube. It doesn’t matter how turned on you are, how badly you want them, or how badly you want it to just please, for the love of God, work. It hurts every time. When he puts it in, when he thrusts, when he pulls it out, and for a half hour afterward. Sometimes it feels like your body just won’t let him in; the muscles that should be soft and giving, that shouldn’t feel like muscles, are tight and tense. You want to give him sex. You have no give. It’s like trying to dig change out of firm and tightly packed couch cushions, getting him in, and when you push him through the tension, you’d swear he’s tearing a hole in you.”
This post hit especially close to home for me, as this is an emotionally-charged topic which I have discussed at length with numerous romantic partners, friends, and family members. Goodness forbid that some of us value our individual identities as well as our familial ones. I say it’s high-time to ditch the name-change-for-women expectation.
Marriage. As a 21-year-old college senior, that’s something that feels incredibly far away. But realistically, if I end up getting married (which is something that I want to do), it will probably be sometime in the next ten years, especially if I want to start having kids in my early thirties. Of course, many people my age are already married or engaged, which is not in my immediate plans, but to each their own. Whenever I see someone new who gets engaged or married on social media, I see dozens of posts that say “Proud Mrs. [insert his full name here]!”, “Can’t wait to be a [insert his last name here]!”, or other exclamations. This got me thinking: Will I change my last name when I get married?
Quick note: I’m going to be speaking in a heterosexual context because I am heterosexual so that’s what I’m most familiar with and because…
The “second shift” is alive and well, unfortunately. This post hits the nail on the head about common in-home gender dynamics for chore-splitting and about marketing for these burdens falling exclusively around the necks of women.
Tammy Wynette had it right: Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman. Especially when it comes to domestic labor. Tons has been written about how women, after coming home from paid work outside the home, commence “the second shift” in which they cook, clean, do childcare, and manage household needs. And despite the fact that the women’s movement is easily more than 40 years old, this situation is still pervasive. In the New Republic, Jessica Grose tells her own rather typical story:
“When it comes to housecleaning, my basically modern, egalitarian marriage starts looking more like the backdrop to an Updike short story. My husband and I both work. We split midnight baby feedings. My husband would tell you that he does his fair share of the housework, but if pressed, he will admit that he’s never cleaned the bathroom, that I do the dishes nine times out of ten…
I’ve thought (read: fantasized) a lot about my engagement, from the location to the surprise to the magazine-worthy pictures that will be posted on Facebook the next day. And in this fantasy, the proposal always includes an engagement ring (vintage, with a unique stone in the middle surrounded by diamonds. I haven’t thought about it too much though…). I’ve always considered an engagement ring to be a promise of a future life-long commitment, as well as a really pretty piece of jewelry. But where did this tradition even come from? And is a ring a commitment statement or something a little more misogynistic?
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words could definitely kill me. As a communications major, this is the saying that I go by. Words hurt, worse than any kind of physical pain I have ever felt.
“Wow, I bet you can really throw her around.” –An actual statement that was said to my ex-boyfriend by one of his friends. I was sitting right there. What did I say? Nothing. I said nothing. I was so shocked that he could even say something like that upon first meeting me and I felt so awkward, uncomfortable and self-conscious that I couldn’t even formulate a comeback. This is something I have had to deal with countless times since. I decided to compile a few of the many comments I’ve gotten over the years into a list so I can expose this phenomenon.
Would you rather be a whale or a mermaid? When searching through my Facebook newsfeed I saw a post of a naked woman that asked that question. I never thought this question would have been used to try and “motivate” women to work out, but sure enough, a gym posted this sign that had a picture of a beautiful woman on it and asked “This Summer, Would you rather be a mermaid or a whale?” If we are getting technical, I would rather be a human but take a look at what this one woman had to say in response…
Excerpt: Whenever I hear someone talking about depression or read an article or report in the media, the overwhelming impression given is one of blackness, Churchillian phrases such as “Black Dog” or the ubiquitous “Black Cloud“. Not only are these yet more instances of negative use of the word Black, but do not match my own experience of Depression. To me it has no colour, or at best an opaque nothingness, that couldn’t even be described as shadows or fluctuations of light and dark.(Read more)
As I stated in a comment on his post, part of the reason I’m aspiring to become a therapist rather than a psychiatrist is because of my distrust of the overly-medicated “solutions” to mental health afflictions. I recognize that some mental illness are primarily biological in nature and must be fixed with encapsulated chemical concoctions, but medication intended to artificially alter neurochemicals in order to alleviate emotional dysfunction all too often leads to ignorance of the underlying emotional issues at play.
This post continues an ongoing discussion of extreme importance. Every person has a right to bodily autonomy, and for others to decide what people can or cannot do with (and to) their own bodies is to rob them of their human rights.
I feel that Reproductive rights can be a very touchy situation, especially because of religions and such. But I do think it is important to take a step back and look at the situation as a woman’s choice about her body and life, instead of abortion/anti-abortion. Women have been fighting the struggle for reproductive rights for centuries.
Instructor Jordan Bellan teaches nude yoga at the Jitendra Yoga Studio. (WAYNE GLOWACKI / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)
During this particularly cold winter, where exposed skin can freeze in minutes, naked yoga might get a frosty reception.
But Jitendra Yoga studio is hoping Winnipeggers will be prepared to shed their inhibitions… and more, by offering classes for those brave enough to try it.
At the start of class, the instructor is the only one naked, while the rest of the students meditate fully clothed. A yoga bolster is required and it is mandatory to wrap a towel around it for hygienic reasons. A bell rings to indicate the start of class and the instructor locks the door for privacy. Through a series of meditative steps, the instructor invites the students to think about how it feels to experience a naked body instructing their mind. The students then begin massaging their arms…
Why is it that so many nudist / naturist sites feature virtually only photos of pretty, young women? Don’t get me wrong, I like pretty young women, but what about handsome young men? they’re nudist too! And middle aged women? They are nudists too. And older women and men? At the beach it is a really good cross section, but online it is really skewed. The thing is, if I want porn, I know where to go. So if a ‘nudist’ site has only pictures of young women, it isn’t really a nudist site at all, but a soft porn site pretending to be a naturist site. So please, the powers that be, if you have a nudist site, show a real mix of folks, men, women, young, old, black, white and everything inbetween. You’ll have a more committed audience.