She Cheated With Two Men in One Day!

Listening to the radio the other morning, a woman explained how her boyfriend recently caught her cheating on him — twice, in the same day. She and he shared a studio apartment, and he came back during his lunch break one afternoon to find her having sex with someone. He left the scene and returned to work, only to come home hours later to find her having sex with a different person.

The hosts of the radio show were horrified not just that the woman had cheated on her boyfriend, but that she had cheated with two different men. Their disgust made me wonder, why is it more socially reprehensible to cheat on your significant other with two different people than with one person? Are there different degrees of cheating?

Personally, I would never cheat on an intimate partner, nor would I be inclined to continue to date a partner whom I knew had cheated on me. At best, cheating strikes me as a display of cowardice, disrespect, lack of self-control, and/or selfishness.

However, people define cheating differently — and it absolutely could be definined differently for each of your relationships. Where do you draw the line, if you draw one at all? Is it intercourse with another person? What about other physical acts? What if there were no physical acts, merely verbal expression? What if the relationship is exclusively emotional?

Also, what if there was an intent to cheat, but no cheating actually took place? Would that do less damage to your relationship if your partner(s) found out there was intent without execution?

As far as I’m concerned, if you and your partner(s) agree that having sex (in any way you both/all define “sex” ) with people outside of your relationship is totally fine, great. The problem is when the limits set by parties in a relationship are understood, but someone decides to breach them anyway.

What are your thoughts? Is some cheating more tolerable than other types? Are there even other types?

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6 comments

  1. I think what is so disturbing about that woman cheating on her boyfriend twice in a row is that it’s a demonstration of having no remorse. She knew that she was caught and that she hurt her boyfriend and she chose to do the exact same thing again, probably knowing exactly when he would come home again. I mean, it sounds like she did it that way on purpose, which is just cruel. In terms of cheating, I do believe in emotional cheating. The kind of monogamous relationship that I want requires the other person to make me their primary romantic partner and also to invest more of their time in building a relationship with me than with anyone else outside of their family. That’s what I believe a partnership is. There can be no romantic intimacy between my partner and a person other than me. If that happens, then that means that he or she is ready to move on and date that other person, which is okay too. I don’t necessarily believe in lifelong monogamy. I grow out of people. But, you just have to break up with me before forming a bond with someone else. Just don’t cheat on me. At the same time, I’m not as hard on my partners for cheating on me sexually one time. If my partner has only had sex with another person once, that is not as much of a betrayal to me as an emotional bond that has been forged over time. A one night stand can just be a stupid mistake that someone makes and apologizes for, but intimacy like an emotional bond or a long term sexual affair is a whole other story. Interesting question.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good point! She KNEW she was hurting him but did it anyway. Hitting the self-destruct button on their relationship, maybe? Just an asshole?

      What do you mean by emotional bond? Are platonic friendships out of the picture? I have VERY close, intimate platonic friendships with a few (four) people, each of them for a good 3-10 years before I met my current partner. I’ve never had any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with any of these people. Two are of the opposite sex. They make my boyfriend super uncomfortable which doesn’t make sense to me because I’m actually MORE sexually attracted to women so if I’m going to “cheat” 1) I wouldn’t, 2) it’s much more likely to be a woman anyway. Interested in your point of view on this.

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      1. Platonic friendships are not out of the picture. I would never keep my partner from having close friendships, especially if he or she had them prior to meeting me. But, I’ve always been against my partners having romantic friendships in which there is flirting involved or feelings of attraction that I know about or that are obvious, especially with people who they’ve been interested in romantically in the past. I had a boyfriend who I knew still had feelings for a girl that he had been interested in before me and I had a huge problem with them even hanging out. Totally not okay. A partner can’t be friends with someone else that they have romantic feelings for while seriously dating me. That person is supposed to be putting their time and energy into me and I’m doing the same for them. It’s an investment. If the person can’t sacrifice that for me, then what are they doing with me (assuming that we’re serious about each other). I don’t think that everyone should have to follow this rule. It’s just what I need in my relationships for me to feel comfortable. I don’t really have a general rule about what cheating is and I don’t think that emotional cheating is a real thing for everyone. It just is for me and so I would expect someone who wants to date me to be compatible with me by wanting to live by the same relationship standards. At the same time, I don’t think that people should assume that a friendship involves romance when it doesn’t and the other person has made that clear. I trust my partners when they say that they don’t have romantic feelings for someone else. Not being able to trust a partner can be damaging to a relationship just like emotional cheating, in my opinion. Several years ago, I was sleeping with this guy who got mad at me for having male friends. I said, “Look, I just met you a few weeks ago. These other guys have been my friends since high school.” He didn’t trust me and it insulted me that he assumed that just because I was a woman with lots of men around me that I my relationships with all of them must be sexual. Anyway, he dumped me and I was like, whatever. So, I definitely don’t want to be like him. Lol.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I appreciate your insight! For me, I’d be okay with a lover spending time with someone for whom they had romantic feelings, so long as I could trust them to not act on those feelings, because I’ve been that person before. If they’re committed to me, it shouldn’t matter with who they spend their other free time. If it matters, then they probably aren’t as committed to me as I need.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Cheating is all about deceit. To me it’s not about the actual sex act. Then again, I’ve been in a poly relationship (I was the girlfriend of a married couple) and it was the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. If you’re forthright and open with your partner, a poly relationship can be really fun and rewarding for everyone involved.

    I think the problem people have with this woman cheating on her partner with TWO different people because that must be a sign that she’s cheating for the sake of sex on it’s own, not “love” or fulfilling some sort of emotional void missing from her current relationship. Do I think it’s wrong to deceive your partner and break your agreed relationship definition? Absolutely. I don’t think that cheating with one person is any better than two or ten or fifty.

    What’s really weird to me is that the boyfriend would find her cheating on him and just LEAVE? That’s strange.

    (Also, I totally disagree with the concept of “emotional exclusivity.” I don’t think that anyone can fulfill all of your emotional needs, nor should you expect them too. Although I guess this can mean that you’re only going to fall into romantic love with each other? Not sure. Haven’t heard this term before.)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for sharing! That’s great that your poly relationship was so rewarding. Poly relationships are unnecessarily stigmatized for this day and age. And I agree; to me, cheating with one person would be just as hurtful as cheating with many.

      Liked by 1 person

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