I Added A Kinky Dating Application to My OkCupid Profile. Here’s What Happened.

In late July, a friend sent me a screenshot of a woman’s Tinder profile where she included a link to a survey and directed men interested in dating her to fill it out. Although the questions she asked struck me as more superficial and entertaining than for compatibility assessment, I thought her idea was brilliant and decided to do the same for my OkCupid profile. Heck yes for efficiency, especially for someone like me who is seeking a partner with highly specific, somewhat less common preferences. (more…)

20 Lessons I Wish I Knew When I First Started Dating: An Open Letter to My 13-Year-Old Self

Hey there, little one,

It’s nearing the end of eighth grade, and a nice boy in metal shop class just asked you to be his girlfriend. You’re excited, terrified, and have no idea what to expect out of this relationship, but it will be the first of many to come.


An Open Letter to the Father of the Stanford Rapist, Brock Turner

Dear Mr. Turner — or, as you signed your statement to Judge Persky, dear Dan,

Your “twenty minutes of action” comment horrified me even more than Judge Persky’s refusal to punish Brock. Rape is not ‘getting some action.’ Rape steals another human being’s bodily autonomy. By this logic, are you saying you would have no qualms about someone dragging Brock’s unconscious body behind a dumpster and inserting whatever they wanted into any of his bodily openings for twenty minutes? Or is “action” only palatable when it’s a male-on-female crime? (more…)

Why is Sex “Dirty”?

Despite vehemently disliking the phrase, I’ve been called a “dirty girl” on multiple occasions by various guys since the beginning of adolescence. I’ve also frequently been told that I have a “dirty mind” because I enjoy thinking and talking about sexual topics. I wonder, why do we refer to sex as “dirty”? (more…)

That Time I Found Grandpa’s Sex Contract

My paternal grandfather died last summer, and while my father and his siblings were helping my grandmother sort through my grandfather’s belongings, someone happened upon an item which they knew I would appreciate.  (more…)

Ask Me Anything: There’s Zero Sexual Tension; Should We Stop Dating? Help!

A friend recently came to me in a tizzy over her dating life. She is dating a polyamorous woman who is also currently dating my friend’s sociopathic ex, yet what has her most uneasy about this budding relationship is not the social complications if they were to pursue a committed, romantic relationship. Rather, what concerns her is the lack of sexual tension.  (more…)

Go Fuck an Egg: My New Favorite Boytoy

At the Widener conference I attended last fall, I was given two free sex toys: The Lelo Lily, about which I’ve already raved, and the Tenga Easy Beat Egg. The time now has come to sing my praises for that nifty egg — with photos! (more…)

An Open Letter to My Dead Brother, April 2016

Dear Connor,

As I drove home from work this past Monday, I began to reflect on a photograph shown on the news last weekend of a small child hugging his father’s gravestone. I imagined what it would feel like to try to explain to my office manager every September 23rd that I would be unable to come into work because I was visiting your grave… except for the part about how we did not bury you. (more…)

Ask Me Anything: What Kind of Dominant Am I?

While I was active on the site, one of the most common questions I was asked by fellow kinky OkCupid-dwellers was what kind of dominant I am. The truth is that I’m still figuring that out about myself. Although I’ve always had a mind-wiring that coincides perfectly with kink, I’m still fairly new to the world of BDSM. I’m also distant from much of its practice, though it’s one of my favorite topics to discuss with people — both platonically and sexually.  (more…)

Dominant Men vs. Dominant Women: Who I Hate More

Since my introduction to the world of kink, I’ve become attuned to the omnipresent power dynamics in other people’s platonic and romantic relationships, as well as my own. For example, despite my dominant nature, in platonic settings with dominant women, I tend to take on a co-dominant or sometimes submissive role. However, when in the company of dominant men, I usually find myself compelled to challenge their leadership and assert my own.

I wondered, why the sex discrepancy with my platonic relationships? Why wouldn’t I be equally annoyed at all other dominants, not just the men? (more…)